I read an excerpt from this interview with lorde abotu ehr favourite wiki article and it got me thinking about mine and the first person that poped into my head was the baroque painter Artemeisia Gentileschi. I really don't know what attracts me to her. Maybe it's just her hatred for men haha. To me she's always been more of a role model that Frida Kahlo is to most.

carry on from my last post

(I don't know what compelled me to write a poem at... 2:27 in the morning at my grandma's house. this is literally what was in my mind, I haven't done any editing except the crossed out bit on the first line)( I think I like writing poetry)

edit: this was originally at the end of the poem as like a little end bit but I decided to put a picture up instead. FIRST NUDE!!!

I'm slightly nervous

i am very tired

I am very tired of seeing skinny gals gals with a different body shape to mine and comparing myself to them.
I am very tired of perfection
I am very tired of whiteness. Of white and black.
I want brown. I want blue. I wan't green, red, indigo, violet, periwinkle.
I am very tired of constant violence.
the constant battle between the good and the blurred
I am very tired
of seeing friends so in love but not with themselves
I don't know how to love somebody if i can't love myself but thats just me
but again thats a blurred line but I say that i love myself
but I don't really
I love my body
I love the way it looks
that way my hips bulge
my breasts ripple
my tummy sinks when it's touched
But I hate the way my soul is
the way it forgets words and stumbles on explanations
the way it looks at what is meant to be a piece of art and cant see anything but the lines and colours
I hate that I lie
white lies to may myself seem more impressive
when all it is is just bored bravado (does that even make sense? I can't exactly remember what bravado means but i remember it's a word)
but white lies build and build until they become black and thick and impenetrable. like tar

I am very tired of everything right now and I need a rest